Twenty years

“You are the one who is in complete control. You are the one who will be defeating him.”
I always get so mad if my shrink tells me this bullshit. Well, actually the fact he is not really paying attention to me, to what I say is. I am one of those 80,000 idiots in this world that recites exactly the same sentence in the 25 years he is practicing. This is how it works: He asks me a question and as soon as I answer he starts drawing some lines on a piece of paper to get his own nerves under control.

It feels as if he thinks I am an idiot.
I am not a toddler that can be fooled by its parents if it shows its drawing (the one they did not even had a look at) and lie: “Wow that looks great you are very talented!”

According to him, I am in complete control.
“Don’t you think it’s normal to get a guarantee if you pay for quality stuff, I ask?”

“What do you think?”

“I already told you my opinion I asked for yours.”

“Is this something you want to talk about now?”

“If not I would not start about it.”

“Does it bother you if you do not get what you expect?”

“I like to get what I pay for, don’t you?”

“What do you think?”

“I thought you said I am the one who is in control.
Otherwise, you are going to sit there and try and try and try. This will only get in the way” I stood up, shove the small table aside and took his writing pad out of his hands.

“Come on if I can do it you can do it too. I am sitting in this chair for over 20 years now and the fact is you did not really help me to fight my fears not to fight for my rights.”

I had a quick look at his drawing… It was a kind of doodle art. Not bad at all and for sure way better as the therapy he gave me.
Reluctantly he changed chairs with me.

“I noticed you don’t feel well, I said.
You don’t dare to look me in the eyes and do not answer my questions. Your words are meaningless and you do not practice what you preach. I really expected more from you after all these years of education and practicing. Twenty years of my life I waisted here to hear what even my neighbor’s dog can tell me. Twenty years…”

Startled he looked at me.

“…twenty years of sky-high bills!
What can you say to your defense? I stood right in front of him and waved with his writing pad in front of his face. I will end this bullshit of you now. You are an imposter and a big scam.”

pulled his bills out of my pocket thorn them into pieces and threw them out of the window they were floating on the air currents just like his doodle art. After all the guy was right I did defeat him.

#shrink-story the very first