Another dimension

Waking up never been easy
I wonder where I am
Even before I open my eyes
I marvel about time and day
The timepiece of the matron
– what was her name again –
Ticks on and on and on
Location next to my bed
It sounds louder and louder till it suddenly stops

Where am I?
Do I need to go or be somewhere
Is there a reason to leave my bed
Hastily at this very moment
Instead of living in oblivion?
Too many beatings on the head
Capillaries, nerves, threats
The awareness something snapped indeed
No fasten your veins instead of seatbelts

Not a clue where I am
I start thinking, imagining, gathering the thoughts
Why is it they see a grey, foggy personality
While beautiful colours pass by
My head is never empty
It has never been
Shades of green, poppy red,
Sunflower yellow
Endless cornfields where deer hide

The smell of the mattress with seagrass
Granny’s hot chocolate and cake
Panic in Spain
Third teeth stuck in a glass
The awareness I’ll never go home again
Gagging over white pudding with so many red and green pieces

Flashes of pain, humiliation, pity, the reality
Hurt neighbourhood, children
Enough of it!
I memorized it all, the wakeup call included
Brainwashed, falsified truth
More bread and pancakes than I liked to eat
Another extent begs to be seen
The world one meets when caught by a story

Lack of commendation
Not recognised by
Passed station already as a child
I’m still around, this is me
The memory of the blue lagoon
The black mirror, sea, Malta, Sicily
Crying and smiling with the wolves
Black cobra, Out of Africa
No godfather took my hand, protected me

The world can be such a good place
– Grandfather’s geese in the orchard –
Once we embrace, recognize true love
The ally, comrade till eternity
All this is me
Never good enough
to be accepted, respected, liked
by those who should but never could
Tied by different needs, too much emptiness

What does it take to drive one crazy
To overlook the present, all that once mattered
To set foot into another immortality
Everlastingness, depression
The psyche minding its own business instead of age
The inability to wake up, get off the floor
How to recognize dirty games setups
Knowing the theatrical scene isn’t the real thing
Freedom of the spirit hidden behind norms set by an elite and masks.

At times I lose the mind you defined as me lately
A different intellect, the ghost set free from the bottle
Sanity, rationality, psyche
Still exist in a different dimension
Overcoming, gathering the reflections
within minutes, seconds
Does it look like a loss?
I am not gone, fallen
Because I wane tea and biscuits today