Just a penny

Here, here
Buy it now
Read for yourself
I have something to share
Good news you buy today
Only with me
People, I keep you updated.
The latest news
It’s good for the mind,a conversation
With your family or ar work.
Have you heard what they said?
Do you know what they did?
See for yourself.
The old guys are dead.
It’s the end of the dynasty.
No red schield is left.
No genocide.
The suffering is over
Some fought for our rights.
Freedom
Justice
Own responsibilty.
You look as if you could use some good news Sir
Mylady?
It would do you good.
Just a penny
for these thoughts printed
Speculations to comfort your mood.

Source: pixabay.com

There’s nothing

Once upon a time, there was nothing. Nothing means zero, emptiness, blank and together it’s worthless unless… you make something out of it. The it you have and which you give value to yourself. If you do so you are a trendsetter and trendsetters aren’t per se famous, VIPs or liked but they have an attitude, a certain behaviour. If you see them you like or hate them although hate is based on envy. Envy is a nasty thing. If your parents didn’t teach you that the Bible might have. If not… your feelings surely warned you.

Envy is madness, takes energy (it’s more like sucking out all of your energy) and you feel it but you can’t help it since that forerunner became famous while you are still a loser, a nobody no one recognizes. You are nothing, zero and that hurts.
Just like envy hurt is a feeling. If you don’t want to feel anything life is way easier than to those who are sensible, supersensible and even feel what cannot be felt, isn’t said, if totally nothing has changed but they consistently state that isn’t true, sob and say you just say it’s nothing while they feel deep inside – if not in their bones (or joints)- you made up the story about nothing ‘cause you hate sharing feelings or talk about it with someone who means nothing to you if it comes to it.


Does this ring a bell?


They keep nagging and nagging till an abrupt mood swing (which is a feeling as well) takes over and you can’t help being out of control. You say: leave it alone! Although it started with nothing and you intended to say: “Leave me alone or I don’t want to be with you anymore because you are like a millstone around my neck. You drive me crazy about nothing, this is all in your head. Turn that record and play another tune for a change.”
Getting older is not for pussies? Neither is being a child, being bullied, ignored about literally nothing unless glasses, size, clothes and not joining TikTok counts and the fact you don’t like pets, wear the wrong brand of clothes and your phone is old and Android because the expensive Apple sold today never keeps the doctor away and the government still hacks you. It’s nothing we say. Why? Because this is quite normal today. We all are hustlers, cry babies, spoiled drama queens, we know how to do it, how to lie, cheat, scam and that’s why we are who we are and end up where we once were. Back at the start, at zero.


Keep your expectations low and you’ll see the future might, perhaps, if you are lucky, have something for you. Some sort of reward. Not necessarily bad but also not good it depends on how you look at it and if your mood doesn’t swing. With nothing, life is easier I assure you. Once you climbed a mountain top the only way left is down. Back to the valley unless it’s a ravine where no one likes to be. Not a single person will catch you or cheer you up if you fall off a cliff, drown or drop dead. By now you know (while falling) it’s because you are zero, a waste of others their time.


No interest, not interesting. Don’t be hurt.


Let it be and go your own way. Trends are hypes and not hot, they pass, fade away. It’s all in the mind of the cattle that you need to be a copycat to be seen, accepted. A zero without personality is all you will be. Ever thought about that? True, I agree no one cares about the inside. If it comes to it, being rich and famous is how we all like to be. Do we? Well… not each one of us loves to show off, be in the spotlights after all you need a big ego for that. Narcissists for example love it and narcissism isn’t the same as self-esteem. If you believe in yourself you don’t need someone’s appreciation, approval, a pat on the shoulder, to be complimented and seen. A personality goes his own way which isn’t anything but something most of us don’t dare. Kicked out of society, being a pariah is worse than being ignored, not heard.

What do you want? What do you want for yourself? Imagine you are alone in the world. No one to care for, no responsibilities. Would you behave in exactly the same way like you do now? True you are ruled and restricted and there’s no way out of here. You are born at the wrong place, the wrong time and the wrong year even have the wrong parents and gender. There’s nothing you can change about that except for accepting the facts. Facts that eat you and you keep thinking: What if I emigrate? A better life, better future, no need to work. Paradise is overseas not the garden of Eden where God wants us to work and suffer on a planet he created. Beside we are with too many anyway. There are no jobs right, at least not for me. It’s too much stress to work 8 till 10 hours a day. I better do nothing elsewhere instead of where I live. How bad can it be? Living underneath a bridge can never be that bad if the bridge is located in a capital city where all chicks will fall for me and while I wait for my luck I kill some time with a bit of crime. No one cares, no one dares to correct me because I am independent, a loser, means zero to anyone which has it’s benefits and above all I am free. Free as a bird to go and do as I like.

Who needs to set a trend right or perhaps I already do and you will follow in my footsteps.
Make me rich and famous, please! A person like me has needs. Hey, media I have a story for you believe me it’s better than what Reuters commands you to print which is always the same old story, same old song… Nothing.


I have some words (six) left: poetic flow of words, dance fever, burnout, creator, socks, tornado let’s see what I can write and who knows I can even make it fit to what I just wrote (note from the author which is me: just ramble on and see what your mind will come up with. How hard can that be? Keep writing the clock ticks and if you stare at your screen it remains blank and you end up with nothing.)

Anyone around here who can explain a poetic flow of words to me or is it too much asked?

If getting older isn’t for pussies either is poetry. You can rhyme but it doesn’t mean you created something good. Most likely it has a lot in common with the lyrics of a song. The tune about nothing sang or more likely spoken by a nobody who likes to set a trend in the world of musicians although no one can beat Freddie Mercury. He was a talented guy and if you don’t know why try to figure it out before all good music has been wiped out because nobody should share the same history.

It’s not different from what they did with the dance fever we humans experienced starting with Fred Astaire, next Elvis Presley and Fame. What a shame discos will soon belong to the past because they are seen as unhealthy. Not because of the loud music or sex-drug poured in our glass of coke, either the flashing lights or smoke but because of Covid-19. Simply, no one will be left to show that green pass the proof that nothing is wrong and you’re not the super spreader around if you sneeze. If you are the only one left with fever it’s better to dance at home.

Ever had burnout? How to avoid it during a pandemic? A healthy immune system alone won’t do the trick. There’s more needed than fruits and eating green. Stress is the biggest killer this world has ever seen. If this is true how come all those in war zones are healthy enough to fight for their lives, to endure even if nothing has changed or will ever get any better? Survival of the fittest is about the individual not the cattle of sheep following or worse waiting for the creator to guide and protect them. Who fights to stay alive, who’s in need has no time to grieve, for a burnout. Today it is indeed survival of the fittest. We no longer have the luxury to talk about our feelings. Medical care ended. Praying and waiting is a waste of time if action is reaction. Know you harvest what you sow. If you do nothing, don’t take care, you will get zero and lose everything. Like socks for example. Socks are like pens and one of the most lost (or is it stolen?) items. The only difference is no one says there’s a planet for pens. A planet for socks seems to exist. The socks end up there with help of the washing machine which is the oddest thing I’ve ever heard. Is there anyone around who has ever visited the Planet of Socks? Perhaps Elon Musk can check it out he seems to have faith in everything needed to be motivated to act.

Just like a tornado I have never seen a new mutant of the coronavirus which turns out to travel by aerosols over land. The WHO loves it and governments finally shake hands, have something in common. Hurray, let’s write history do something new so we all forget who we are. If we manage to do so, depopulate and increase infertility, let women bleed to death and everyone gets a heart attack the only question left is: Who can Big Pharma vax next?

The planet is saved, no PMs left and the R-Dynasty and Bill Gates can reign till eternity or… till they drop dead but before that happens I suggest open borders for all. If that virus travels faster than any of us why care at all?


#kittywu #freewrite #stopthenonsense #life #rambling

I kill you – a kid’s diary


July 24, 2021, was the last time I wrote. A lot has happened but if I think back it’s not worth writing about it. My Summer vacation is nearly over. It started with my stay at granny’s house, I joined the gym camp with the bullies and if I think back I still feel miserable about the sugar water. I forgot to tell you about the cute stone man they gave me. The mascot of Advendo is a huge stone figure called Kuub. They said it became babies and we all got one for a present. I placed mine in front of the window in my bedroom.
Next, my mother tried to kill me as she became hysterical again. I do not remember much from it. I tried as they asked me what happened in hospital but all I remembered was that terrible voice and the cupboard covering me. There was a police officer and a lady from CPS asking me how or what. The nurse asked and next to the doctor but I said nothing. I am not allowed to tell strangers about my mother. My mother told me to keep my mouth shut. She knew these people would ask me. “If you dare to tell anything to anyone I kill you”, she hissed at me as she bent over me and right after that she smiled at the doctor who entered the room and he smiled back.

Am I the only one who sees how fast her face chances? One moment she is angry and yells and spits at me the next second she is friendly. It confused me. Sometimes I believe she regrets what she did but as soon as I believe her she attacks me. I see how she enjoys hurting me but what I don’t understand is why she didn’t get rid of me. I know she didn’t want me so why keep me?

She didn’t visit me frequently as I stayed in hospital but I didn’t mind. The other children have visitors and toys and cards I don’t. Their parents are friendly and mine is not. I don’t like it when I feel sick or am in pain and people watch me or poke in me. I like it most if I am alone, away from home. If my mother acts weird it is better if she does that at home and not in the hospital, not if she stands next to my bed and everyone can see it.
I saw dad twice. Once he visited me and once I saw him with a group of others. They were all wearing white coats like doctors and following a doctor. I asked the nurse who brought me in a wheelchair for some tests. I didn’t tell her my dad is one of them, one of what she told were students. So my dad is a student in the hospital? Did he tell anyone I am here? Why I am here? It’s a very big hospital more like a factory perhaps no one knows he is my dad. Perhaps no one knows what my mother did and no one knows she is dangerous and mad.
I think I stayed at the same hospital as grandpa. He died but I am still alive.

The nurse told me I could go home and later the doctor said the same. No one told me how to get home. It was dad who picked me up and drove me to grandmother’s home. He didn’t say much just that I had to stay with her for the rest of the school vacation. It was a long drive and I mainly slept while I was strapped with a belt to the backseat. It made me feel sick. At grandmother’s house, he lifted the big brown suitcase out of the car and put it into the bedroom. This time I had to stay in the bedroom that once was my mother’s. The big bear filled with seagrass was sitting on the couch and stared at me. Did my mother abandon him like me? He’s nearly as tall as I am. I’m not sure if he’s hand-knit. Perhaps he is and grandmother made him for her. She knits well and very fast. His eyes scare me though. I held him for a while but it’s not a bear who likes to cuddle. He feels hard and stiff and I think he doesn’t like to be touched.
“You stay here”, dad said, “you can go to bed it was a long day”,
I’m not sure if it was a long day, longer than other days. It’s not dark outside and he didn’t give me any food. The hospital gave me breakfast. Two slices of bread wrapped in plastic. Two slices of what they call cheese were in plastic packed too. They felt warm and soft smelled like sweat. I like cheese but not this one it should be called and shouldn’t smell bad. I didn’t eat it.
The room is large and not as white and warm as in hospital. I like the silence and go to bed. I haven’t seen grandmother yet but that doesn’t matter. “Perhaps it’s safer here than at home”, I say to the bear. He looks at me and I think he understands but he looks lonely. I slip out of bed and lay the bear on the couch. “I won’t hurt you, you can sleep now bear.” He looks at me and I hope he understands me. If someone always hurts you you have to be careful and watch your steps. It’s long ago she hurt bear and he still knows it after all these years. I think he was happy alone in this room and now I am here and the danger is back.
I turn to my left side and ignore the pain. Bruises will heal, it will all heal one day but not what she said to me. “I kill you,” she said and I know she will. It wasn’t the first time she tried to kill me. Did she kill the baby in the jar too?

Saturday
July 31, 2021


It’s dark when I wake up. For a moment I wonder where I am. It’s quiet and I need to go to the bathroom. There are two. One is downstairs. Two long stairs and through the cold hallway. The other one is at the end of the hallway and a few stairs away. My grandpa made that one and I don’t think it’s used much. I will use it and after that, I go back to bed. Perhaps grandmother will come and to see me later. Usually, she does not. She always wakes up early and is in the kitchen if I wake up. Back in my room, I hesitate. It’s still dark outside.
“We have to stay here longer bear,” I say while I look at bear. His eyes are wide open but he doesn’t look at me. I understand he is afraid.
“I can hide you in the closet if you like.” I lift bear off the couch and carry him to the closet. He’s heavy but I have to help him. On the bottom of the closet, I make his bed. There’s room for both of us but bear isn’t used to me. “I’ll leave the door a bit open for you. It’s safe here, it’s a good closet.”
I think bear is happy. He can sleep now. I go back to bed.
If I wake up again the sun shines and I hear the church bells. It’s Sunday people go to church. The suitcase dad carried upstairs is opened. I wonder who packed it. There isn’t much in it. I brush my teeth and get dressed. Grandmother will be downstairs and I hope she gives me tea and something to eat. She will not go to church.

Grandmother is in the living. She listens to the radio and has a pot of tea. She gives me a slice of bread with butter and brown sugar and one with cheese. She doesn’t tell me to pray and doesn’t look at me. She lets me do what I like and I can watch television. No one visits her. She acts as if nothing has happened but avoids looking at me. She will once she is used to me. Me and my bruises, bandages and ugly face. Me the child no one wants to have around.

Sunday
August 1, 2021



#kittywu #diary #childhood #childabuse

The holy man

Year after year I wait.
I am on time, he’s always late.
“Be good”, says dad day after day
I don’t care if I am since I hope I may
join him if he drops by.
Bad children are not sweet and ‘cause they are wrong
they go in the bag black Peter takes along
It’s with him I want to be.
Black Peter is acrobatic and always happy.
My mother… She is mean and cruel you see
that’s why I wait by the chimney
Next to my shoe, at sometimes it’s a boot
which I filled with cookies, and a letter to explain
Why I want to come along to avoid the pain
My parents cause me since God doesn’t care about me.
In the darkness and cold I wait.
It doesn’t matter there’s no fire
I don’t care if he is late
As long as he crawls through the pipe and pays me a visit
If I can tell him I’m serious about it and show how fit
I am when
If I climb through the chimney to accompany
My hero black Peter and I’ll promise and show I can
work hard an am a the perfect help for the holy man.

#kittywu #tale #poetry #saint #nicholas #forthechildren

Drugged – a bedtime story


“Tell me a story”, they said
I wish I could but you know what?
It’s empty inside my head.
Totally blank it is.
Not even a bang, beep or thought
is left and I feel like the goldfish
in its bowl we all like but which never gets old.
It opens its mouth and swims around
in circles whole day on and even at dawn
It continues ‘cause otherwise, it will fall.

That fish… it’s not different from me.
Just like it, I find it hard to realize.
There is nothing left, not one single story of mine.
How can I discover the world outside of my bowl?
The emptiness… it’s so scary, it makes me evaporate.
While I’m circling, gasping for air
and am hoping for a miracle.
The little ones wait are still there.

“Tell a story, please”, they ask again.
This is the last thing I need.
I grab the book that is pushed into my hand
and pray the bedtime storytime will end soon.

“There she goes… Little Red Riding Hood..”
This story is always good since it’s about red,
a little girl, and a sick granny with her own apple tree.
“You see?” I ask and point at a plant
and the apple that a man holds in his hand.
“That’s not Red Riding Hood or grandma
but a naked guy”, my boy says.
He’s right and I wonder why the man looks so pale
whole day in Paradise. It doesn’t make sense at all.
“It’s a granny smith apple”, I state
“No, it’s not this one is red!” My child sounds upset.

“I just show you what happened long ago
before Little Red Riding Hood was born
and grandmother was still attractive, young”.
“Do you believe her brother?” the stubborn
youngest kid said, “If you ask me this guy is buried and dead
ages ago.”
“I know”, he said, “the teacher told me so.
Little Red Riding Hood is no part of the family
neither is granny.
About those apples… I don’t know.”

“Hey dudes there she goes”, I continue madly.
It’s wiser to ignore the two of them
if I want this story to end tonight.
It’s late, I’m tired of all the work so when
I can
I sneak away and let both stay behind.

“Let’s see what that little girl is up to. Where might she go?”
“I already know”,
both replied and
I wonder why I bother
I pray bedtime storytime came to an end.
“If you already know there’s no need to tell you a tale then…”
“Ohhh please…”

“The basket is heavy and the girl is not tall…
homemade butter cookies and wine granny loves most of all.”

“Is she a drunk?”
“I guess she is otherwise it would be lemon and tea”.
“I see.”

“Little Red Riding Hood’s mom is busy and not in the mood
Laundry, dishes, and an extra job to pay for all the food
spoiled grandmother ordered by e-mail.”

“Are you sure this is real?”

“Grandma doesn’t live nearby
and that’s is why
Little Red Riding Hood has to pay her a visit
to deliver all of it.
Off she goes with granny’s good food.
Breakfast isn’t included and… no bottle of water for her if she’s thirsty.
Still, the girl is in a good mood.

“Where is her brother
can’t he take it?”
“She is an only child.”
“What does that mean?”
“She lives with her mother.”
“The good mood is because she likes granny?”
“I don’t know but we can follow
her if you like. The path goes through the forest
but she isn’t allowed to leave it though.”

“I know”, both say, “it’s dangerous outside today.
You don’t let us go outside, right?”
“No, I don’t and you know why.”
“Because of the Boogieman?”
“No, wait I know”, my little boy said,
“It’s because of the rainbow clown and clowns are so bad.”
“And dangerous just like in IT
they give a balloon to each little kid
lost.”
Both smirked.
“You mean curious not lost, now let me finish if you like to hear how it went.”

Both looked satisfied ‘cause storytime would never end.

“Alright, there she goes on a shiny day.
The basket is huge and filled to the lid.
It’s not exactly what a kid
should carry but we know mother has too much to do
and the girl doesn’t mind visiting opoe.

“Opoe? Who’s opoe?”
“Opoe is Dutch for grandma.”
“Is she single?”
“No dummy he’s dead!”
“Who?”
“Grandpa, just like our dad.”

“Little Red Riding Hood knows the way ‘cause it isn’t the first time
she visits granny who lives alone
plus she knows she can open the door and go inside if… no one is at home.”

“Why should no-one be at home. She is sick!”
“I know, I know”, I hastily said and pray
they will not interrupt me again
so I can finally end
the story for which I had 5 minutes planned.

“Look how happy she is, busy picking flowers.
They grow next to the path which is fine.
Now sick granny can dine at a nice set table
with a bouquet, cookies and wine.

“Once she feels better. If you are ill you cannot eat. You should stay in bed.
You always say that”, my little smart one added.
“Indeed.
It sounds as if the grandmother isn’t in such a need.
She sent an e-mail with her shopping list and feels fit enough to command others around.”

I frown. What more can I let out?

“What’s that sound”, I whisper. Both, startled by me changing the subject suddenly look around.

“It’s the wolf! Her only friend.
A grey strong dog living at the other end
of the forest.
He has a great smell and knows the girl very well.”

“You shouldn’t be here my dear”,
he walks a bit closer and stands near
the basket with food.
“What’s in it, scents so great?”
“I tell you if you carry it for me ‘cause I’m late.”
“You shouldn’t have stopped to pick flowers.”
“I know but I did although granny has allergies.
Will you help me, please?”
“Only if you give me the cookies.”
“Fine,” Little Red Riding Hood said and opened the basket and peeped inside.
“We eat them together in granny’s front yard
they will only make her fart
anyway.”
“Okay.”

Soon they arrived in perfect harmony
at the home of the sick elderly
which one could clearly smell from outside.
“Damn girl, that woman is sick I can tell,”
the wolf said while he held his breath.
“Are you sure she’s alive, not dead?”
“I think so, but hey I owe you some cookies.”
“If you don’t mind we better find another place and eat them elsewhere.
I can’t stand the smell of old, dead meat, let’s go and eat.”

The cookies tasted good and there was no need to worry about granny not getting her food.
The wolf was right, granny… died.
After she wrote her e-mail and clicked ‘send’
her life had come to an end.
Not because of old age or she was unplugged
by Covid-19 but ‘cause she was **drugged** and poisoned with graphene.



Other stories
The hostess

The holy man



#kittywu #story #freewrite #tale #covid19 #graphene #forthechildren #wolf

Why me?

Look at my skin!
It’s pale, blue so thin.
I am cold, feel like a fish.
What do you know about me?
How come I am old.
Why me?

The water is my home
Since centuries
I am single, alone
There’s no one I please
I can call my own
Except for the fishes, the mud
and the crown I wear.

I look at the sky
See birds and butterflies
I wonder why
Why not me?
How come I can’t fly
Why not me?

She passes away if she touches my hand
We both know it’s the end
Of her life of one day.
While she fades away
She whispers: Why me?
They are yours, take my wings, fly over land
While I take your place at the lake and stay till the end.


Source: pixabay.com

#pictureprompt #freewrite #poetry

The show

Awards we need awards for the ceremony, he yelled while he held or at least tried to keep his leashed dirty dog away from his suit. Is there anyone who can take care of that?

We all smirked while we observed his acrobatic manoeuvres which made the dirty devil enthusiastically jump up and down. Ready to attack the clown he had for a master.

It’s clear his life is not a bed of red roses, Rick said bursting out in laughter and the guy was right.
The pet of this clown was for sure not the award he had had in mind as he had picked it up at the vet. A guy who knew very well that this dog did put a spell on you.

I call your boss dog, Rick shouted at the animal as it tried to jump on him. Mud and dirt were included within this approach while it dragged his owner along with him.

The clown’s clothes were torn and caught enough wind to look like a parachute. The striped pink-orange underwear didn’t look so good and hurt my eyes.

Rick ran for his life as the dog chased him with the clown who wouldn’t let go.
Not able to slow down he ran a red light which was the last thing we saw
They disappeared out of sight and this ceremony ended the show.

#kittywu #freewrite #weekendgreewrite #story

Cut the confidence!

Cut the confidence!
If not something will change believe me your life will come to an end.
Faster than you can count to three.

You ain’t a big success at all
It’s all in your mind, imagination
In reality, your life is as empty
as the pail outside in the hallway.

Better listen to what I have to say
Before you can’t even have cereals for breakfast
Since your credit cards are already past
They are history just like the one you once was.

The coverage is expired long ago
Each insurance company agrees with me
You are a failure and too blind to face reality.
Wake up, get a job and pay off.

It’s not cool to eat cold beans every day.
I know you prefer to do it your way
But prayers and optimism won’t save us and you let
Us starving for hunger and cold, damn it.

Goodbye love, I am for this lifestyle of yours too old

Prompts used are written in bold.

#kittywu #freewrite #weekendfreewrite

That terrible voice

I clean and clean and clean. My hands are wounded but my mother doesn’t care. She knows I have allergies, she knows I have to avoid water and so much more. She says she has to clean because of my allergies. She blames me for all the extra work I cause her and that’s the reason why I have to clean the whole day and at times at night too.
Her obsession with dirt is worse than it has ever been. My mother is neurotic and even after it is super clean and checked by her at least three times she yells all of a sudden because she sees dirt. Dirt, dust, mountains of sand. There’s no point in telling her it’s clean. She won’t believe me. Her eyes see what I can’t see and she believes her eyes more than anyone else. With one hand she wipes the shelves of cupboards empty and shouts: Do it again.
As I step forward to pick up what she threw on the floor she pulls the cupboard forward and it falls on me.
How come I didn’t see that one come? I try to be alert like she calls it. I am not clumsy, not lazy just tired. The only thing I want is to sleep. Sleeping forever sounds good to me. Snowwhite took a long nap and so did Sleeping beauty. I am not a beauty but that doesn’t mean I can not sleep. My body hurts and the cupboard…it’s not that heavy at all. It covers me like a blanket. A blanket where she can’t touch me. I close my eyes and wait. There’s no reason to fight, try to get away. The cupboard is a good place to be. I close my eyes and no longer listen to her voice. I don’t care about her kicking me. She can do whatever she likes while I take a nap or better sleep till eternity.

The voices… I hear them but I don’t care about what they say. Why should I? It’s warm and cosy where I am. I don’t want to wake up I like to stay where I am. It’s good the way it is. Tired… I feel so tired. The only thing I want is to forget that terrible voice, forget where I am and go away. The darkness is a good place to be. If it is dark I can hide or walk around without anyone noticing me.
Something or someone pulls at me. I try to open my mouth but can’t speak. “Leave me alone I want to sleep”, is what I think but can’t say. Why don’t they leave me alone? I sink deeper and deeper and hear a voice telling me to wake up. Wake up? There’s no need to wake up. It is good where I am. “Let me be”, I say or perhaps it was a thought. I am happy where I am and I don’t want to go back to my life filled with misery where not one single person cares about me.
“In your grave, you can rest as much as you like”, granny says.
I smile. She’s right I can finally rest. My mother… she will be happy when I am gone. I will not cost her money, I will not spoil her mood, I will not give her extra work because of my allergies and she never needs to see my ugly face again.

My friend waits for me. He hasn’t changed and looks exactly the same as he did as he waited at the foot of my bed. I feel happy because the only one who ever waited for me is where I am now.
“Sorry, I made you wait. I am happy to see you and like to sleep now” I say or perhaps I mumble it but it doesn’t matter. My friend knows how I feel and knows. He knows me better than anyone will ever do.
While I drift away I think: there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, I am glad there is no light. At least I can sleep now.

Monday
July 12, 2021

#kittywu #diary #childhood #kidsdiary #childabuse

Trust nature, yourself for a change

Action = reaction.

If you play it well you know how the reaction will be and use it to your benefit.


How it all started?

It’s hard to tell. Most likely it was long before the last two world wars. Every war is a set-up. Every war is never fought alone. There are always people who benefit from it. Those who start the fire by spreading the news, selling the weapons, those who keep fear alive and made people live or run or hide, those who come to our aid and rescue and those who help to rebuild for as long as it takes or they feel to it. All those who do are always the same people, the same who earn. Tests done on Jews in concentration camps people benefit from today. Bayer didn’t die, the Dutch newspaper De Telegraaf spreading nazi news is still read and by now every paper has changed into a gossip magazine with bold headlines. Baitclicks people might or cannot click on but they read it and even if the short article is the opposite of that headline the message is spread and a part of the brain is washed again.
Every war is good for something, a reset. After each war people understand they lose property, they understand they have to work hard and they are willing to because nothing is so stimulating as nationalism and rebuilding your country. Making it better than it has ever been. The crisis, the bad management, terrible decisions started a war and forced many to alliances they are still obeying.

If you lost everything, if you have no army and embrace peace, if you believe all people are equal you are a loser and the only thing you can hope for is someone coming to your aid.


Wars… they always start the same. Spread the words of injustice and people climb on the barricades. Not all people but many. With angry people it is hard to discuss, the longer a fight takes the more reason disappears. The enemy of those fighters isn’t crazy. There are plenty of handbooks for fighting wars, how to win a battle and all the tactics are used. The people? They have no idea, no idea, are not interested, they live in fear and applaud for no matter what side will end this war. No one truly believes being grateful is never enough and you have to be it for generations. Being grateful never stops. You have to be grateful to be born, you have to be grateful your parents raise you, you can visit school and find a job. You have to be grateful if people like you and you can live without fear. If it isn’t because your country is not in war, it’s because there’s an army watching over you, there is a state’s police or neighbourhood watch, there are cameras and dogs or we take out our own gun to defend our home or ourselves and if that gratefulness takes us nowhere we pray to God and say it is his will. We don’t believe it, know we got ourselves into this mess, know we let it happen but if it comes to it if everything goes wrong we blame God for it. It was his will so…


Why bother any longer?


People give up on the world outside if it’s a mess inside. Creating chaos, chaos and confusion is a good start. Confusion is a feeling most people will recognize. Those being raised, drilled, forced to have more empathy than others will recognize that feeling. These are the people who will be easier to use, manipulate, brainwash and pay for whatever money is needed for. Useful Idiots is what leaders need. People who are grateful, empathize and are willing to die for someone else (dying for your own country is no longer hot but a taboo. Shame on you, if you do or…, did).
Useful Idiots do something because they feel grateful, honoured to be asked, because of the power and… the money. With money, every goal can be reached. With the money, you can start your own Dynasty and don’t need to be a fake King or Queen. Royalty today means nothing and is tolerated but will never reign. They worked hard on that in name of Democracy. A democracy that is not real but feels real to the people as long as you let them vote and ignore the rest.

So let the people vote and believe they are in charge. This is a smart move because this means you have your scapegoat if something goes wrong.

Each war, fight about power starts the same and it’s always about using the people.
Step one is about giving them information. You give them something to think about.
Step two is meant to use (or abuse) their feelings. Pity, anger, and jealousy are great triggers. It blindfolds people and if that happens they no longer focus on what is really going on. Who struggles himself rarely sees what goes on for real plus most people do not care about history and politics. Both topics at school are disliked by many and for sure not studied once out of school. School is an institution that leaves no room to grow up as an individual with an opinion of your own. Schools, teachers brainwash students. They tell them how to think, what to think even what to fight for and when to demonstrate. Pupils who refuse receive bad notes and are noted as stubborn and get a remark in their report that says: the child has a very strong will that has to be broken!
Teachers get paid to change the opinion of entire generations. They do their job as long as they are flexible and willing enough. If not they will be replaced by someone younger just like every employer does. Young people, you can modulate and tell how to work how to be. You can’t with a person with self-esteem, knowledge and a strong will. That’s why senior employees need to leave unless they are puppets, someone’s puppets like president Biden for example. He is the perfect tool to help someone else on the saddle. He’s not meant to ride the race and power is important for this man too. A man who was never found good enough, a man who felt like a loser although he tried so hard. His clock ticks, his brains tick too so he had to push forward faster to ‘make the difference’.

They say each nation gets the government it deserves. True or? Did Italy deserve Mussolini? Did Germany deserve Hitler and Merkel? Does France deserve Macron? Does the USA deserve Biden? Do we all worldwide deserve the governments we accepted without fighting for what’s right, we want?
It’s a fact many of us never vote. It is what happens in countries where we are busy fighting our own struggle for life, people are not interested in politics and history, people are too spoiled with all their luxury. It happens in countries where hardly anyone reads books and people are not willing to search for the truth, to demonstrate and climb on those barricades where complaining from the sideline is easier than acting.
How many read ‘Brave New World’ or ‘1984’ or are raised with international literature at all? How many take the time to know their enemy which is very wise advice (keep your enemies close).



Wars come and go

The third world war is announced long ago. But during all those years of peace countries, people kept fighting. North Ireland isn’t free, The Falkland Islands are not, those who are cannot cope with the reality. They have no idea how to reunite the people and break down an entire country instead of learning and copying those they see as their enemy. South Africa is an example of one of those countries in chaos and there are more. Some countries are divided or free but they know it’s hard to survive on their own so in the end, they join the same pact to receive (financial) help. Everything comes with a price. Wealthy people do not pay you out of empathy!
If you want to be independent you need to provide for your own needs under all circumstances. This means you might have to say goodbye to the luxury items and lifestyle you were used to because independence and knocking at doors for help do not go hand in hand. A price has to be paid for this freedom, for not being a slave or Useful Idiot.  Some countries do so because the world doesn’t want them because those few rich cannot reign over them although they try to break them. Still, some of these countries, like Cuba, do an amazingly good job. They decided to swim instead of drowning. If it comes to it this is what we all should do if we cannot live in the world, the society we are put in and/or are rejected or boycotted. If people start believing the fake news about us. A better place can be built only a few steps away or just around the corner if we are aware of ourselves, our needs.


Any idea how much a person needs to stay alive? Ask a homeless man what his basic needs are and you have your answer if you can’t figure it out. Today’s needs are not the same as those in twenty or forty years. Each war, each tornado, flood, volcano outburst, earthquake and pandemic proved they can wipe out plans, futures from one moment to the next. This happens worldwide, everywhere regularly. Sometimes, if nature is involved, it is a short interruption. If humans are involved, the interruption, change and danger will never end. Nature doesn’t care about power only about balance and harmony. People go for being almighty and the big money. Those handfuls who do live on their private Islands and enjoy life at this very right moment while the rest suffers and pays every bill. The minority of people is emotionally and financially tired to see what is going on. They are too stubborn to face the truth and admit they are fooled, trapped, manipulated and used by a handful of people. Powerful people who do not care about humanity and feel no empathy at all.

Wealthy powerful people use those who fight against each other for their own benefit. As long as people fight each other, kill each other their hands are clean. War is money and those who deliver the weapons are in charge just like those who give aid. That these are the same persons people refuse to see. They never wonder, ask who delivered the weapon to the kid that pulls the trigger in a mall or school. Weird enough it is punished in court if simple bank robbers are caught. Simple people are caught and end up in court and next go to prison. They are a danger especially if they are liked or have a voice. Rich bad people never end up in jail. They have puppets to do the job for them, their victims are locked up or killed. That’s why rich black Bill Cosby who drugged and sexually abused many girls get away with it and that’s why Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley got away with their crimes just like Mohammed Ali and with them every rich sick person. Whatever they like to do to humanity no one cares about. They own the judges, pay them and their lawyers are as greedy as any president who took Big Pharma’s and the Cabal’s deal.

The Cabal starts wars, boycotts nations, buys presidents with 600 or 900+ million dollars (the money can easily be printed extra) and keeps clean hands. It is about killing everyone in the way or lock them in forever. Knowledge is power which means bad or no education is the best and wise, intelligent people are dangerous. People start thinking by themselves are dangerous.
Wealthy people, extremely wealthy people who rule everything know their puppets want what they have: money and power even if it’s only for a short time. Elections worldwide are manipulated. It’s not just a European thing although it’s European to buy the lies and fall for fake news. It is European to feel empathy and believe all those made up stories about refugees and such a bad life. Even if we can see it is not true we watch the world through the glasses the schools, governments and media handed us over and refuse to test and trust our own eyes. While the news fills our brains with refugee news and tries to push the empathy button behind the screens, a handful activates the next step of their master plan or someone else’s master plan. A good plan doesn’t come overnight and either do the results. There is a time for everything and that time can be made. If the situation is right the excuse needed to attack is there.
The right situation is what is needed to make people understand and even follow you.

Pandemics make great excuses

Even if people don’t give a damn about their health, they smoke, drink and live on junk food a pandemic scares the death out of them. If fat people are in danger, if elderly fat people and vulnerable are the empathy, you have to feel pity for them, the button is pushed again. Those people take not one but two if not three hospital beds. We make all kinds of excuses why they are the way they are. We give them medical help on our account rather than saying: Start living a healthier life first! Stop smoking, drinking. Stop the excessive eating, get help. Hospital beds are meant for those who did care about themselves first only, those with a healthy lifestyle, those who do not cost the society a lot of money” a system we had a few years ago. For a short time, those who never visited a doctor received money back at the end of the year.

Instead of refusing medical care to those who do not care about a healthy body and mind -if pandemics start in a social modern country- medical help is given to everyone who paid the health insurance even if it’s not the best help. We all know in modern countries the wealthy are the more important people and they go first. They receive the best treatment, best doctors, they will never share a room with 8 or 12 other people and their bed will not be placed in the hallway. Their medical history is secret and they don’t sit or stand naked in a room observed by many strangers. They have privacy. What we know about them is not even 10% of what they know about us.


Today’s pandemic is unique.

It’s true humankind faced many pandemics before in its history but this is the first a pandemic was announced not based on mortality rates! The WHO lied and changed the rules. Who owns the WHO is clear. Who truly believes this organization cares about health is stupid (according to my child’s teacher a stupid person has no right to live). The WHO keeps changing facts, numbers and although there is a small chance they lose the case, they will be sued. Announcing a fake pandemic is a crime and that is what the WHO did.

Of course, there are more criminals. Big Pharma is the one. Just like the WHO they don’t care about health they care about money! Only stupid people believe they care about health. Only stupid people believe you cannot get addicted to these drugs. Only stupid people believe side-effects don’t matter and are normal and you have to accept 11 side-effects to feel better.  Only stupid people believe the production of medication and vaccines do not harm the environment. Big Pharma doesn’t want you to feel better they want you to bad and consume their products. They want you to be an addict and they want you to take more. More to fight the side-effects of the side-effects, more to make them feel better by filling their bank accounts in Switzerland and property all over the world.


Like Big Pharma doctors earn extra, they receive fat bonuses if they prescribe you certain brands of medication. Many doctors do not care about your health. They care about money, money and power. They sell their souls to the highest bidder. They lie on television, in the papers, help to spread the news it’s all true. They do it for the money and a part does it out of fear. The fear to be out of money or someone might let them disappear. Family doctors, specialists, scientists go for the money. They don’t care about a nation’s health only their own.



This pandemic is different.

It’s the first time in history 99% of the population -all healthy people- is locked up in name of a virus. A virus which mortality is 0.2%. It’s the first time governments agree to act in exactly the same way and even the opposition keeps their mouth shut. The same steps are taken: give information (think), manipulate/use empathy, hope, fear (feelings) and spread FOMO (feeling of missing out). It’s not different from how commercials work and how governments with selfish presidents without conscience who go for the big money, work.

The pandemic is a window of opportunities for sure. That is what makes this pandemic so unique. Tech makes it possible, makes everything possible from cheating during elections and with test results to spreading fake news and numbers of people who died of Covid-19 within a few minutes.

Pfizer one of the most sued companies knows how it works. In ten years, no one will complain. At least not those who are still alive and finally understand they lived in a lie, a hoax and were part of the experiment of the century. They will be aware they let themselves be fooled by the news spread just like they did with 9/11. News that is all made up by Reuters and we know who owns that.

Will we feel embarrassed about ourselves if we think back at how we scolded and threatened even hunted for those who didn’t fall for it? Will we commit suicide like Judas because we are cowards and refused to face the truth and wanted others to fight for our freedom? Will we die out of shame because we called an anonymous hotline to tell the officials our neighbours and friends don’t stick to the rules because and did it because we took that jab and were not strong enough to say no?

Source: pixabay.com


Pfizer doesn’t care. It’s written in the contract governments signed. You cannot blame them, keep them responsible, not sue them, curing patients is not allowed, no matter what payments have to be paid and the contract… it can not be showed to the public for the next ten years. Vaccines are tested for 7 years… next the reports are made… In 10 years you can read the truth. Not the truth that the book will most likely never be printed. Reading is not hot. We pick up some headlines, phrases and memes. We do not read, we do not buy books, we do not care about written knowledge.
Three years of experiments. Experiments that changed and increased. The experimental gene therapy called vaccine was allowed because of the special circumstances and only for people of 18+ years old!


We all know there are no special circumstances. The pandemic is planned, Moderna tested a vaccine before this pandemic was announced.
If it comes to age and pregnancies the rules changed. It’s not about the elderly, it’s not about the vulnerable. Each age should be vaccinated! As many people out of each age-group or generation. We have 4.5 million elderly (70+) vaccinated. 4.5 million are seventy years or older and our population is 17 million. Even if there are 18 million this means there are too many elderly but it also means we have an overpopulation. In the age of high tech is no room for so many people, there are no jobs, there will be no new jobs. A basic income for so many is not realistic but depopulation is. The pandemic is a great excuse. If this bioweapon doesn’t kill you, the next jabs will or you can kill yourself. Everyone will understand you did it because of the pandemic stress, the lockdowns, the depressions. The Dion pill is no longer an issue. Suicides are permitted. The UK asked for quotes of millions of funerals and for sure they are not the only country. Depopulation is a fact. Humankind is the virus and 75% has to die. What is left shouldn’t breed on like rabbits so you know what that means.

You do not help or save anyone if you get vaccinated. You are a genuine pig, a ticking time bomb. You are a danger to society. There’s a reason why animals who take part in tests live in labs and are not living on the streets or outside in the wild. There is a reason why many are killed after the testing is finished. They are dangerous!



This is what makes this pandemic unique too. We do not isolate those who are sick and dangerous but everyone else. It’s said it’s to keep us safe but power doesn’t care about rescuing nations. Power cares about showing what it is capable of with money and pressure and if that doesn’t work fear and killing does the trick.
By now not 3 but 5 presidents who refused to force their people into vaccination, who like to see results and prove first and an overview of the side-effects including the numbers of death first, presidents who have strong doubts about the pandemic, died under suspicious circumstances. Locked into our fear and depression we don’t notice it and refuse to see what is going on.

What is it that makes the present pandemic so unique?
The fast way lies are spread? The fast way fear can be spread around the world? The fact we depend on our daily drugs and homoeopathy is labelled as quackery, pagan, witchcraft and bullshit? The fact we lost connection with and faith in nature, our worse the trust in our own body and immune system? Or is it the fact we are addicts in every way? Addicted to drugs, addicted to the latest news and above all addicted to high tech a life online. An online we put our faith in, trust our money and personal information to but that can be gone with one press on a button.

The pandemic is a window of opportunities indeed but not only for the wealthy ones. Be aware, prepare and be independent. After each pandemic, the biggest part of the population survived. Take your chance and build your paradise and do not bet on the Big Pharma horse race. They won’t come to your rescue. Either will Democracy, Bill Gates, Soros, the lefties, any globalists, fighters for equality, the rich & famous or Justice. They are all dead horses, puppets used willing to kill you.
There’s no back to normal, this pandemic will not end because it is fake and there for a reason. If that reason is gone 75% of us needs to be gone and if not the next pandemic will start. The ‘cyber pandemic‘ they call it. Conspiracy or too stupid to read, listen and see what is going on? Those presidents, ministers, rich ones mentioned it, warned, told and tell what will happen, what is planned. Not because they know you will listen and act but to clear their conscience. They know the minority of us is stupid and you know what that teacher said: Who is so stupid doesn’t deserve to live. Let’s see if that teacher is right and who is left after the Great Reset, a reset that didn’t start with a fake pandemic but generations ago.



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